Money Talks: Steps Toward Financial Harmony in Marriage
We’ve all heard the statistics. In marriages that don’t work, money is too often the root cause. Over a period of time, husbands and wives who aren’t on the same page financially will gradually drift from each other. Discord begins to grow as they continue moving in different directions. And one day, they look up and wonder: How did we get ourselves into this mess?
It’s an all too common issue in our mile-a-minute world. But that’s why we’re here. At Triune, we believe there’s hope for every couple to live in financial harmony, as long as you’re willing to take the first step.
The Root of the Issue
You won’t find a husband and wife anywhere who think that money isn’t important. But most of the time, it doesn’t feel like the most important thing right now. Life is busy. Both spouses are spending their time and energy on their career or their family (or both). Usually, the thought is, “We know we need to get our finances figured out, but we’re busy. We’ll get to it when we have time.”
Unfortunately, with that mindset, the decision of when to “figure things out” is often taken out of a couple’s hands. Some kind of negative life or health-related event happens, and suddenly, they’re needing help. Oftentimes, they’re forced to be reactive instead of proactive, making financial decisions out of stress and anxiety, which can easily lead to more tension in a relationship.
The other dynamic that’s almost always present when a married couple delays talking about money is that one spouse ends up handling all the financial decisions. This is a normal dynamic within marriage—one spouse is more skilled, interested, or opinionated in financial matters, so they naturally take on most or all of the financial responsibility. The problem is, that leaves the other spouse without a voice. And when both spouses’ voices aren’t present in the conversation, there’s almost no chance that they’re on the same page.
All of this can contribute to an unbalanced, reactive financial reality for many couples today. However, there is a more intentional approach that may help couples build a healthier financial relationship over time.
A Better Way Forward
Anxiety and stress are natural human experiences, but God doesn’t intend for us to live in a constant state of stress and anxiety. His promise to us is peace, strength, comfort, and guidance, even in the hardest moments of our lives. And that’s possible, even in our finances.
When we wait to prioritize our finances until life forces us to, that can lead to trouble. But when we choose to be proactive instead of reactive, everything changes. And a great way to do that is to find a financial advisor who knows you, understands your life, and can walk alongside you as a married couple to help you make good decisions proactively.
We start with discovering shared priorities. Our financial advisors help husbands and wives get on the same page with their financial priorities, sometimes for the first time ever. What are your goals? What matters most to you, both now and in the future? These priorities don’t have to be written in stone, and they can shift as time passes and life happens. But a great first step is to sit down and agree on your priorities alongside an advisor who can help you stay aligned to them in real life.
Aligning on shared priorities leads to decision clarity. When you’re working with an experienced financial advisor who understands your priorities and shares your beliefs and worldview—that God is our provider, that He owns it all, and that our job is to be good stewards of what He’s given us—it can help couples feel more confident making financial decisions.
Staying aligned on priorities and decisions over time requires ongoing communication. We believe successful couples are intentional about finding time once or twice a year to sit down with their financial advisor, who is able to advocate for them and help them think well. When we set aside time to think well, it shapes our perspective. And when your long-term perspective is better, your short-term decisions will be, too.
The Triune Approach
At Triune, we see ourselves as partners and advocates for our clients.
Our goal is to be partners in conversation with every client who walks through our doors. Our job isn’t to lead with solutions, but to lead with questions that will help husbands and wives find clarity and harmony. We’re here to guide and help in the conversation, but we’re not here to tell you what to do.
As advocates, our goal is to advocate for both spouses in the conversation, but especially the one who enters the conversation with the least interest and, most likely, the least input. One important way couples can work toward financial harmony is if both the husband and wife have an equal voice. This doesn’t mean a wholesale role reversal, it means that in these conversations, both spouses’ voices carry equal weight. Many clients leave our conversations feeling like they’re genuinely interested in this conversation for the first time ever.
Our experience allows us to help husbands and wives work through common problems (if you’ve been through it, someone else probably has too, and we’ve probably worked with them on it!). And the relationships we form with our clients allows us to tailor our interactions to their priorities, goals, and values.
If you’re ready to take the first step toward financial unity as a married couple, we’re ready to join you as advocates and partners. Reach out today to start the conversation.
This material is provided for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as investment, legal, tax, or accounting advice. All opinions are subject to change without notice. Investing involves risk, including the loss of principal. Financial planning strategies discussed may not be appropriate for every individual or couple. Individuals should consult with their financial, legal, or tax professionals before making any financial decisions.